Friday, December 24, 2004

Day of Joyful Noises... the Kitchen!!

I woke up early this morning and finished the cooking and baking for tonight's birthday and Christmas celebration. I've baked a cake, ham, made homemade macaroni and cheese, broccili casserole (I have the best recipe for this that I got from a dear friend years ago), brussel sprouts, parsnips, a huge bowl of stuffing (for tomorrow at my cousin's) and breakfast for the family.

Tonight, Rainman's kids will come over to spend some time, eat some food and enjoy a holiday celebration. I am a bit concerned because he still hasn't told them that he is moving out. He and I have talked about it, he doesn't want to worry them, so he doesn't say anything to them. Gee, the same behavior that I displayed when school started this year. hmm. Oh well, it will work out the way it's supposed to. I think we tried to do too much too soon. The whole idea was to date until my youngest graduated from high school, which is this June. Then we would sell our homes, and buy a house that we both liked for us to live in. That way we could combine our things and make it our house. The problem started when he decided to sell his house, but his stuff would still be in his condo. Then some time passed and he wasn't spending time at his condo, he didn't even unpack from moving into there from his house. Then he decided to sell it, move his stuff here...........that's when the slippery slope started happening. I didn't ever mind that he was here, spending the night and all. But when he 'moved' in 100%, I started getting weird. I didn't really want him to be here 100%. I just wanted him here instead of going home. I know it sounds strange, but I wasn't really ready for him to move in. I guess, I didn't know that, until he did. And then it was too late.

I suggested that he put his stuff in storage, but he doesn't want to do that. So, the next best thing is for him to have his own place. I kind of think that he blames me for his having to spend the money, but I take no responsibility for him having to take care of himself. He's a grown man with some things that he has to take care of and now is a good time for that. So, we will still go out, hang out, be friends and lovers, just wait to see where it goes. However, in the meantime, I'm distancing myself from him, as a natural defense. I don't mean to, but it's inevitable for me to protect my heart. Even though it's a good thing for him to move, I know it's gonna be different, I'll miss him, I'll be depressed somewhat, I'll be working too much to fill the void. I won't eat to fill the void - that's for sure. I'll try not to drink too much, but I can't promise that. I know I will just drink at home if need be. :)

But, that's next week. And I'll deal with it when it happens. In the meantime, here we are, it's Christmas and we're celebrating!! I love the holidays and this year will be the best ever!!


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