Monday, February 28, 2005


It's definitely how we are measured

"They" say you learn something new every day. I don't know who "they" are, but for the most part I find the things "they" say are right. Today I learned an unfortunate lesson. I learned that not every singles one of my friends has integrity or is honest or ethical. Even if you think you know someone and they are nice to you, befriend you, they can be awful to others. It's a disappointment to find out something like this, especially about someone that is considered a good friend.

My Mom wasn't a perfect mom, but she gave it a damn good try. She made sure that I understood that honesty, integrity and ethics were the measure of a person. Our children, our family, our friends, our peers, our management, our underlings, our neighbors, EVERYONE MEASURES US BY OUR INTEGRITY!!

It's the fundamental way of looking in the mirror. How in the world can people look at themselves, knowing that they have compromised their integrity?? I know when I wrong someone, even accidently, I feel terrible. I am and always have been the PEACEMAKER. I consider it a blessing from God. My kids and friends expect this from me. I'm the first one to apologize, I'm the first one to try to make it right. I would NEVER intentionally screw over someone. I definitely don't subscribe to the "screw you" theory in life and frankly, I don't like to be around people that do. They just end up being a disappointment and they screw me. I don't like being screwed.

No matter what, if you have wronged someone, fix it. Don't victimize the victim twice, what a travesty that is!! It's horrible and it's unethical.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Murder Mystery Dinner

Recipe For Murder

Do you ever do this? If you don't know what to expect, do you go into something with low expectations so you're not disappointed? That's what I did today. The most important part of the day was getting to spend some time with my friend from work. We're the management allies and try to help each other out at work. So, this was a fun thing to do with her.

My critique:

The lodge is beautiful. I loved how it was decorated. We were seated by the windows, balcony with a view of the golf course. It has a fireplace and they added a stage for the performance. The room is great and would be a wonderful place for a wedding, in the summer, with the outside seating, balcony, lots of trees, great parking. I can just picture it.

Then there was the food. It was very good. Good service, nice food and a cast of characters. Yes, there were characters that were in the murder mystery. The theme was about chefs competing for a chance to have their own TV show on the Food Network. Everyone there was part of the performance and I mean EVERYONE, including us.

The characters came around the dining room meeting people, passing out different little things, including identities. I was IVANA B BAYOU, Cajun Chef. Hehe! She was Harper Valley Peeteeay, School Nutritionist. Everyone's name was some sort of play off of food names. It was pretty funny, pretty resourceful. During some preliminary meetings and introductions from the stage, one of the chefs was murdered with his partner while demonstrating a new kitchen gadget. Therefore, the basis of the dinner.

All of the theater troupe's characters were funny as could be. I was getting a kick out of them. There were many 'adult' humorous connotations and inuendoes. Some of the audience members really got into it and played along. That made it even funnier.

Overall I would give this experience a good grade, probably a "B".

But at least now, I can say I have experienced a Murder Mystery Dinner.

Good Friends, Good Food, Great Fun!!

weekend update

It's been a nice weekend. I got to relax alot thanks to my good friends who cooked for us and called to check on me. I was able to do some things without overdoing it and I really enjoyed it.

Kat cooked us a FANTASTIC dinner on Friday! homemade scalloped potatoes, which were the yummiest and Carribean Jerk Pork Loin, salad, honey baked ham, different cheeses all fantastic!! The kids loved it and Jake mentioned that he was glad that everything turned out well for me on this premilinary check and that Sue and Kat cooked for us. He LOVED it! He loved trying different people's recipes and dishes. Beka totally enjoyed the dinners. She loves port roast and honey baked ham. So she was in "hog heaven" - pun intended!

When Kat came over she brought her son, whom I have only seen in pictures. He's adorable! He was wearing his Spiderman outfit and was totally spidey-man!! He brought me his pony to show me and Kat had one of his pieces of artwork framed. It was remarkable. It looked so great framed and I could just picture something like that at the art center. Very cool.

Then Tommy came over to watch a movie. It was truly nice to hang out with him, talk about the families, catch up and just be friends. I really appreciated his concern about me. It was fun to laugh and hang.

Saturday, I had the chance to just hang out and relax. I did a couple lites loads of laundry so I wouldn't have to face it on Monday. That was cool, and in between I got to rest. Went to get my hair done Sat morning, got a little highlight to brighten my already dark blonde hair, but this time got a little "surprise" in it :) I'm not going to let the cat out of the bag until I see if anyone notices on their own. I'm pretty excited about it, it's something that I have wanted to do for a while. It's cute.

Then Saturday night, Sherry came over to get me and we went to dinner at Macaroni Grill. Couldn't eat all of my meal, but we had fun just hanging, talking and eating. I really enjoyed myself and as always we bitched about the men in our lives and how we are so responsible and they aren't blah blah blah, same old shit different day, but it's always fun to talk about things.

Well, I'm off to a Murder Mystery Dinner. Will report on how cool this is later.

Friday, February 25, 2005

oh my God,

I called Mr. Guitarman

He's an old friend, who happens to be my old boyfriend. We have been friends for 12 years now. He plays lead guitar in a heavy metal band. He's an awesome guitar player. We have tried to be friends from time to time but haven't been able to succeed. Everytime I would EVEN talk to him, he would call me drunk from a bar and wake me up, missing me.

But now that 5 years have gone by, I think he's safe. He's moved on. He's a different person. He understands me. So, he's coming up to watch a movie with me. We're gonna watch The Grudge. I wanted to watch it, but didn't want to watch it alone. So Mr Guitarman is going to come up and hang out and watch the movie. Yeah! It's a good chance to hang out and talk again.

Tell you more later.

Men, what's their gig?

and do I really care?

Gee, does Rainman know how to keep his word anymore? Did he ever? Since he was living here did I not see that he wasn't keeping his word? But now that he's moved out WOW! I can realy see that he's becoming more and more undependable. Let's see the latest disappointment was today. He said "if I get up early I'll come over" and I said just come over whether you get up early or not, come on over before you go to work at 3. I figured we would eat lunch together and maybe have some time to talk.

Well, it all sounded good, but he is a no show. ack! I'm so frustrated and disappointed. His behavior is totally unacceptable.

Some of my friends that really know him, say he's probably depressed. Well, maybe, but it's not my problem. You know, after 3 years it's not so easy to cut it off. But I have to be real. I have to admit that he's not so into me. My friend/hairdresser Kim is going to loan me the book "He's Just Not That Into You". Once I start reading I will realize the truth. It's pretty obvious, I totally misunderstood his words, right? RIGHT! He told me that when he moved out, the deal was that we would still see each other daily and that I would be invited to his new place and we would have some privacy there, hang out and be the same.

So let's review - I've only been there when he was originally moved it. One of the days that I went, I sprinkled comet into his sink and I bet that it's still there. I haven't been there since I cleaned the place, I started putting things away, I carried boxes up from my basement into his place and I'm sure that things are EXACTLY the way I left them.

It's unreal.

I'm so stupid. I expect so much from my team, I have high expectations at work, I expect PERFECTION. Why do I settle for less with men?? At first, he was perfect, he went out of his way to do things for me, to take care of my house, to clean out my shed, to make friends with my kids, he was so cool. We had great sex, we had great times, we were "glowing", we were the best together. I gave up alot of independence and freedoms to finally be in a relationship that seemed to be worth it. I mean I had not been in a serious relationship in a while when I met him and now I was in a serious relationship.

It's been a fun ride. I fell in love with his kids, I fell in love with him and now I have to admit failure. YET ANOTHER TIME. That so sucks. I have a failed marriage, failed relationships and now another one. Men. What's their problem? What's their gig? Why can't I meet the one that's REALLY for me? You know the one, the one that will understand where I come from, the one that is smart, the one that appreciates me. YIKES!!

ENOUGH!! I'm gonna have a glass of wine, watch my Apprentice tapes and veg.

On the mend

Recuperating just fine!

I have the best friends. I know I've said it before, but it's worth saying again and again. I have the best friends. Kat's had such a busy week, lots of projects going, her son has been sick, she's had her hands full. Today, she surprised me by offering to bring dinner to help out while I'm recuperating. She's going to be here in about 3 hours or so. I just am so touched by her kindness and thoughtfulness with the kind of week she's had.

Sherry's coming over tomorrow, we're going out to dinner. She was thinking of coming tonight, but she's whipped, so tomorrow it is. That's ok, with Kat coming, it will be fine. I have the best friends.

Today I'm feeling better. I couldn't have gone to work, that's for sure. Couldn't even drive until after 10am, I did drive to the high school this morning, but I came straight home and believe me, it was enough just doing that. I came home and rested some more. I have gotten some good rest the last couple of days. I really needed it. So, even now, though I'm writing, I'm in my comfy couch, lounging and loving it!!

I had "rest and relaxation" issues until just a few years ago. I didn't know how to rest or relax and if I tried, I felt guilty as hell. I always thought that I had to be doing "something" - cleaning, cooking, laundry, working, nurturing, - "something", like I couldn't just STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES! Oh I could grow them, but not enjoy them. I wonder how many wonderful moments in my life that I missed out on by not stopping long enough to even see them.

Well, as it turns out, I finally decided that I work too much and still do, but that when I take time off to relax that I was going to do just that. So, now I enjoy relaxing without the guilt. It's so great.

And wow, I also realized that if the house isn't spotless, who really cares? who will remember in 5 years that on that certain particular day the house wasn't clean and I relaxed. hmmm. But 5 years from now, I will remember the moments in life where I enjoyed myself and savored my time by relaxing. And today is one of those days in my memories. AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! it's wonderful.

So, in the spirit of things, I'm ok, I'm resting and relaxing and someone else is cooking for me :) I have the best friends.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Surgery Went Well :)

Thank you, God!

I'm home! What an experience today.

Was driving to the hospital, Jake was dropping me off and then going to take an accounting test. When we were approaching the hospital one of my favorite songs came on the radio. This feeling of nervousness came over me, I started swelling up as this fear crept up on me. Fortunately, I was able to quickly compose myself, and go into the Ambulatory Surgery Center.

Once inside, I really didn't know what to expect. Like I didn't know that I would sit in a waiting room for nearly 45 minutes after my arrival, before they would call my name. So I got even more nervous. Sent messages to folks on my Blackberry (new!!!) and then finally went back. I have to admit the 45 min seemed loooooooooooong!

But then, things started moving kind of quick. They registered me, took me back and the ball started rolling. EVERY BODY WAS TOTALLY NICE! Changed my clothes and wore the wonderful, stylish, open-backed hospital gown with the surgical blue "slippers" to cover my socks. Donated the usual urine sample. Wondering how I had any liquid still in me, since I had nothing to eat or drink after I went to bed last night, but SURPRISE!! I DID!!

Here comes the IV stick. She tried my left hand, no luck, squiggly vain :( Then she hit paydirt on my right hand! Numbed it and popped right in. I haven't had an IV in years, but it all came back as I felt the fluid running up my arm, a little colder than my body temperature. I could feel it flow slowly up to my shoulder. Wow!

The anesthesiologist came in to talk to me, gave me some anti-nausia meds, shot something into my IV and reassure me that I am in good hands. Then Dr. Osher came in, I caught myself beaming when he walked in. He gave me some last minute instructions for when I got home later, reassured me that he was ready for me, that everything was going to be ok, all that made me feel better. He's such a nice guy. Sweet, kind, gentle :)

A few minutes later, a nurse came in to get me and I was off and running. It's really a weird feeling to be laying down, slightly drugged and being pushed. it's probably alot what little kids feel like in baby strollers that lie down. It's kind of a vertigo feeling, kind of a floating feeling. I told the nurse and she said that it's definitely a feeling of lack of control. That was a good description, I was at the mercy of her abilities to drive that damn thing!!

Got into the OR and Dr. Osher was in there talking to somebody, I couldn't see who. Then they moved me onto the operating table, got me laying where the anesthesiologist wanted me and they were talking back and forth. I remember being told that I was fine, they would position me and I said hi to the doctor. The next thing I remember was being wheeled to the recovery room, with one of the nurses saying "wake up, Peg. It's all over, it's time to wake up!!!"

I came to, looked at the closed and all this happened between 8:05 am and I woke up about 10:20 am. WOW!! I woke up, felt fine, groggy, thirsty, 'soggy' if you know what I mean. But overall I felt good, all things considered. Within about 15 minutes of getting totally awake. They gave me my clothes, a drink, and I got dressed.

They went out to get Sue, who was kind enough to come out to the hospital and wait for me, then took me home. Sue signed for me to get out and we were given the post-op orders, walked out and homebound. We picked up lunch and Always pads.

She hung out with me for a little while, but by 1 pm, I was ready to go to bed. Sue brought us the most delicious meal -- homemade lasagne that EVERYONE LOVED. While we were eating dinner, the common sound at the table was mmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!! It was fantastic! She brought garlic bread, I had made a salad yesterday and she made apple pie. It was the best dinner. THANKS SO MUCH!!

After dinner and I mean right after dinner, Rainman showed up. As a recall, he said on Tuesday, don't worry, I'll be over Thursday afternoon to check on you, pick up more of my stuff, and then come back to help you if you need anything. GEE! afternoon, well, it was afternoon SOMEWHERE!! He got here at 7:30!! Not afternoon in Cincinnati, Ohio! Late afternoon in California, Afternoon in Hawaii. But NOT in Cincinnati. He ate dinner, loved it. We watched The UFO Phenomenon -- seeing is believing, interview by Peter Jennings. Then about 10:30, after that segment was complete, he announced he was leaving and within minutes later, he was gone. Just that quick.

Hey, thanks for reading and checking on me. I'm feeling pretty good, minor cramps, tired, so I'm going to bed. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers!!

My Surgery

Today is the day

Well, this morning I have to go to the hospital for my surgery. It's really not that big of a deal, I'm having a D&C this morning. I look at it as an "oil change" :) It's pretty basic, my wonderful doctor is going to perform the procedure. He said it takes about 15 minutes or less, but it does require a general anethesia, and I will have to take it easy for a while. Come home and get rest.

I'm pretty nervous in a way, more over the normal risks in having a surgery. I am confident that I'm in good hands with Dr. Osher and God has His hand in this, so what's to worry?

The worry part is what will he find? From the specimens that he removes, I pray he does not find any cancerous cells. That's what I'm praying and hoping about. And this I won't know for 2 weeks.

It's time to go.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Fairvue Central >> Bloggies >> Fifth Annual Weblog Awards

Fairvue Central >> Bloggies >> Fifth Annual Weblog Awards

This is a page worth checking out. You will find winning blogs here from all sorts of categories, countries, subject matter. I encourage you to check them out and see what's here.


Strangely Calm

and relaxed

Today I have been totally under control, relaxed and calm. It's very unusual and weird. I'm getting caught up at work, so that's helping. But I think it goes deeper than that. I feel strangely calm. It's like I've spent time pulling my oldest and dearest friends close to me, kind of like comfort food for some people, I have comfort friends. They have always been there for me, not doing anything overly special, but just knowing that they are there is enough.

Then I found out that 2 of my other friends, Kat and Sue, are making my family food for later this week after I get out of the hospital. That's so nice. When Sue told me today, I was truly touched, overwhelmed. It's so great to have such great friends. Sherry invited me to come with her Thursday night and just go hang out at Steve's. It is totally dependent on how I feel after my surgery, so I'm playing that by ear. But Sue's coming over on Friday to hang out and check on me. It's just so nice.

For those of you that write proposals, here's a good stat for one day: 13 statements of work in one afternoon !! I wrote all of them and got them out the door for internal approval before sending them to the client tomorrow. So how's that??? I think it's pretty damn exciting and very productive work!! Now, I just have to get through my 'To Do' list before end of day on Wednesday.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Where is he?

What To Think?

It's been a week and Rainman's not been here. I know there are extenuating circumstances, but it's still strange and I still don't know what to think. I mean, I know he bought he own place and has moved 80% of his stuff out. But he was still coming over every day, even if he all he was doing was to eat dinner, watch the news here with me and then head out.

He came over last Monday, Valentine's Day and our 3rd anniversary. It was a bust, he was tired, we didn't go out to dinner, he brought in take out. I mean, is that an anniversary celebration? I don't think so. He was in bed early, like 9pm. So there I was watching 24 by myself and he was in bed. Very uneventful and it didn't even feel like an anniversary.

But, I tried to understand. He's tired, he works outside on his feet everyday. The weather has been cold, rainy, sucky. Then when he has a day off, he wants to sleep. Okay, I see that, but it's not how I am. I have very few days in my whole life that I slept all day, without staying up all night long drinking or something getting totally smashed the night before. And I can literally count how many times in my life that it's happened.

This is a major difference in the way we are. I am very motivated and like to accomplish things on the weekends. I don't like to work on work, but I do like to clean my house, do the laundry, grocery shop, cook, and spend time with my family. And this weekend was no different from the others. I spent time with Beka, did some grocery shopping, took Beka clothes shopping and we bought the cutest shirts, she got pants, and I got the cutest pink raincoat and pink suede gloves. We had a good time helping each other pick things out.

Then I came home and tried to do some work, I have so much that I need to do, but to tell the truth, I just couldn't do any more than what I had already done all week long. So, I thought I might go out. I was supposed to head up to a party, my friend's Mid-Winter Blues Party. I even bought my blue curacao and another bottle of vodka to make Blue Lagoon's at her party. I'm pretty bummed that I didn't get to go, but it was pretty far and I was having a little transporation problem. I was thinking of going out to a local establishment and have a couple of drinks. I even got dressed and ready to go out, but was deciding not to go.

Beka wanted me to go with her and her friends to Jillian's. I was happy to be invited and it was nice that she didn't want me to stay home alone (again), but I didn't go this time with her. I will go with them another trip soon.

So, I stayed home, got some movies out and started watching a movie....fell asleep. :)

Got phone pranked early this morning, woke me up so I got up. It was a day of watching movies - watched Ray, Along Came Polly and Shrek 2 - while I was cleaning my room, reading the newspaper, made some chai tea and scrambled eggs for me and the kids, cleaned out my drawers, my desk, organizing my room and pitching quite a bit of stuff. I didn't have to cook today, because I had cooked so many meals yesterday. So today, everyone could just pick what they wanted.

I hung out in my room all day long. And yes, I have to admit I have quite a bit on my mind: my health, my relationship with Rainman, my job. All three things are probably really ok, but because I don't have the control over what might happen, I feel a bit bothered, like I just want to withdraw and stay to myself. When I get like this, I want to hang with long-time friends, I find comfort in them. Plus, I like to walk. I was going to walk today, take Thor for a nice walk, but it was raining every time I was heading out -- didn't want to put that new raincoat to the test just yet!

This week, we had a great day of wonderful weather on Tuesday. So I went walking with Sher after work. We walked on the trail for 1+ hrs, about 5-6 miles. We walked and talked and had a great time bitching about work, men, life, health and wondered where we would be without each other's friendship. We've been friends since 7th grade. It has been a long time.

Thursday, she and I went for sushi with her friend Steve. We had a great time. We ate so much food that even the waiter and sushi chef were amazed! It was so delicious and the company was so much fun. We laughed, shared stories, talked about dating, relationships, the compromise that we often do when dating someone and what to do to avoid that in the future. He gave us ideas on where to meet guys and invited us over to his place next Thursday. I'm not sure if I can go because of my surgery, but if I feel like it, I will. It sure was fun :)

I thought about a friend of mine from high school and was wondering how he is. His parents loved me and they died quite a few years ago. Every once in a while, I run into him our, but it's been at least 3 years since I've spoken to him. So I tried to call him but didn't get an answer. So I called one of his friends, my friend too. Haven't seen him in a while. Wondered how he was.

I guess I'm just feeling nostalgic and needing my long-time friends. And this weekend was no different. Home alone, thinking of my friends. Maybe I'll drive by his house tomorrow at lunch see if he still lives there.

And did Rainman stop by today? No. He is sick, but went to work, but I asked him not to come over sick. I can't afford to get sick before my surgery on Thursday. But did he call? well, if I asked the question, you know the answer.

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
-- Ben Frankin

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Great time at Starbucks

fun to talk and relax!

After a long, hectic day, I actually met a dear friend for a cup of coffee at Starbucks in Loveland and just relaxed. It was great, I haven't seen her in a long time. She looked fantastic!! We met after work. Venti Fat Free Latte for me, Grande Caramel Cappucino for her. Lead to 3 hours of gabbing.

We have known each other for 23 years. Been through marriages together, babies being born, kids growing up, holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, grand babies (she's got 5 kids of her own and 4 grand babies already :). We're each other's kids aunts. I used to be married to her brother, but she never held that against me - hehe!

We talked about mainly work, but also about our kids, our health, what we would love to do with our careers, and just a general hello. It's funny, but we literally haven't seen each other in 2 years, I'm sure of that, and it's as if we see each other all the time. We sat down and just started talking without skipping a beat.

thanks for such a great time tonight. I needed the break and having some time to just relax. See you soon!

Monday, February 07, 2005

It's only Monday....

and I'm already behind!! YIKES!

It's really challenging to start the day already behind, much less the entire week. I'm really not sure if I can sustain this pace for much longer. I am busy every day, with no lag in between. It's very fast-paced and I'm running in multiple directions all the time. I guess, what I really need is a VACATION!! I think for me, it's wise to start planning to take my vacation in long weekend terms. So, maybe to plan to work Mon-Thurs and take at least one Friday off a month. I'm kind of starting that this week, just to see if that will help. I have a personal day scheduled for Friday, although, I have a feeling that I'll be working enough before Friday and over the weekend that I won't even have to take the personal day :(

On the other hand, it's good to be this busy. I mean, it means that we have projects and new work coming. It's important to maintain the pipeline and sustain the current customer base. That is definitely happening. We are growing and sustaining. I'm relieved about that. That does mean that my team is in tack, they are busy and that's a good thing.

I guess it's just me at this point. I have too many irons in the fire. I have too many things going on at the same time that it's hard to read all the emails, act on all the requests, and keep everyone happy.

Well, that's my 15 minute rant, and that's all I have time for. Gotta get back to work.

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
-- Ben Frankin