Sunday, July 31, 2005

Yard sale


I am blown away! I have managed to get rid of ALL THE STUFF I had. I had my yard sale, sold so much of it for $1 or even less. I sold books, movies, jewelry - all in big lots - people took all of them for their kids and so on. I love that! I love that my things, which I did love at the time that I bought them, will bring happiness to someone else. I will have little pieces of me (and my mom) all over Cincinnati when I leave! It's so totally cool.

The other cool part is that the plan is coming together, things are moving along and they are happening pretty much the way I had hoped - EASILY!!

So, soon I will be with the love of my life. Soon I will live with him every day. Soon we will be married. It's fantastic!!

Friday, July 29, 2005

thanks to my friends...

its all coming together

I have boxes all over my house today, some are for the yard sale and some are for shipping. I am having a good time looking at all of my 'stuff' and purging the past. The memories invoked are enough, I don't need things to remind me of the good and bad times in my life. I am freeing myself and it's wonderful. I totally resisted at first, but as each day goes and I realize what I'm leaving and what I'm going to - it's a no-brainer! We are going to have a wonderful life, we are going to experience all new things together, and even the things that are old, when we do them together, they will be new.

I just can't say enough what a wonderful man is he and how totally blessed I am to have the second chance to be with him. I have spent my life freely giving my love to men that didn't return it the way I NEED IT. Not that they weren't capable of loving people, some of them were the nicest guys around. They just weren't what I needed. I tried to love them and I tried to accept them for who they are, it just wasn't enough for me. But he is my Romeo!! He is the one that I have loved my whole life. He set the bar for me of what a relationship should be. And now, I'm there and he's there, it's all in the timing!! And the time is perfect.

Well, I'm off to work and then in between put stuff outside. I am loving this purging ritual. It's refreshing! Last night my son and I were sorting through our stuff. He looked at me and we both laughed at all the stuff we've kept over the years, totally ridiculous stuff, but we pack ratted it away. While we were sorting, he said, you know what Mom? We have all this stuff that we've kept over the years. It's cool to look at it and remember, but we both know that in our lives we should collect relationships and not stuff and you have taught us how to do that too. And I want to thank you!

Wow! that's deep and SO true. So I want to thank everyone that reads this and are my friends. You are the reason that I have survived over the years. Not because of the stuff!!

Thursday, July 28, 2005


coming all together

it's amazing! Everything is coming together, one piece at a time! Having a big yard sale tomorrow, pulling everything out of closets and attics. it's alot of work, but when I'm done, I hope to have some cash and I know I'll have tons of stuff to donate. There will be some good deals at my yard sale! I'll be glad when it's over, so I can concentrate on the next steps.

I have to work on "curb appeal" - but I don't have too much, that's the most manageable of all.

Painting, still have tons to do, good thing my sweetie will be visiting for a week, arriving in 9 - count 'em 9 - days!! He will have a honey-do list and it will help me sooooooo much!! He's so excited about my moving to be with him. Wow! getting married! Never thought I'd do that again :)

My friends have rallied around me to help me get my house together! I have learned that all of them have appreciated all the things I've done for them in the past or helped them with this or that. I'm reminded of a Moody Blues song, Questions, where they say:

..when you stop and think about it, you won't believe it's true
that all the love you've been giving has all been meant for you!

I can dig it! It's so true - it's karma in action - and the best part is that Rainman, remember Rainman??, is going to take my dog, Thor, so I don't have to leave with his demise on my conscious! He'll take good care of him until he finds him a good home. I'm so relieved. I'm going to have him take Thor the day that the house starts getting shown - 8/15.

I have all my tasks listed in a project plan, of course! So, now I just have to knock off my list, one task at at time. - Gotta go, you know I have a ton to do!!

Sunday, July 24, 2005


...going through them really fast!!

The changes are coming so fast now. I've emptied my closets, my attic, packed boxes to ship to California, am preparing to have a yard sale next weekend. I hope to make pretty much money and sell most of my stuff at my yard sale. I still have to clean out my basement this week coming up, but I just did a BIG clean-up last summer, so it shouldn't be too bad.

I'm at the point now where I need boxes. I can't pack anything else right now without them. So tomorrow, I'm going to get boxes for my stereo, some clothes, some kitchen pieces and other personal items. I hope nothing gets lost between here and California. It's cheaper to send everything USPS Media Mail and since it is media: books, CDs, DVDs, Printer, Pictures, Papers, then it makes sense to send it the cheapest way - all the boxes are pretty heavy and media mail is not that expensive, plus I need insurance on them. It will probably be about $100 to send the 6 boxes I have ready. By the time I'm done, I am going to guess that I will end up spending about $500 to ship everything, which isn't bad at all. Not compared to a truck rental, gas, insurance all about $5000! yikes! Then there would be the storage when I get there. It's just not worth it.

Hoping to have a job when I get out there, or at least, some prospects. I guess after I finish the house, finish the yard sale, and have time to relax, I can seriously search for a job. I have this impression that things will work out PERFECTLY!!!

Monday, July 18, 2005

What a weekend!!

I can't wait to be with him ....

Soon - that's what he said. I'll be with him soon.

Starting tonight, I will just be sure to pack something every night or so something every night that brings me one step closer to be with him. It's just right and I know it. It's the right relationship at the right time and we know it. So, it's time to get my things that I want and ship them to him for safe keeping. In the meanwhile, sell everything - Yard Sale 8/6 - moving sale 9/17, just a guess. It's a Wish Date!!

I was there this last weekend and it was absolutely beautiful. We spent time hugging, kissing, holding each other and it was great!! More later, I'm really tired, I came in on the red eye at 11 pm LA times and arrived in Cincinnati at 6:45 am! Then went to work --- more later!

Friday, July 15, 2005

California Bound for...

the weekend!

I'm really excited, tomorrow afternoon I will leave for another trip to California to visit my man. I'm so glad that we are dating and going to get married. Yes, in case you haven't heard, we're getting married after I get moved out there.

Today, he signed his papers that agree to keep him at his current assignment, so we will be living in the greater Fresno area. Now I NEED A JOB!! I've sent my resume out to a few people that I know, I have to keep asking people so I can get more connections out there. It's too bad that I have to move, but I love him and I am going. I missed out early on and we have been 'making the best of a bad situation' for all these years. NO MORE!!

I took all my pictures off the walls today, cleaned out part of another closet and will finish it the beginning of next week. My best friend is bringing me some boxes and my new approach is to box up what I want, ship those and then sell everything else. So stay tuned, I will have quite a lot of things out on eBay!!

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Breast Cancer

I'm one of the lucky ones

Today, I saw my breast specialist. Did I ever think I would see a breast specialist? Hell, no! But I've seen her every 6 months now and today I was given a 100% clean bill of health - back on annual schedules again!! I am so relieved. I have to admit, I was afraid of the outcome of this examination. Fortunately for me, I have some support from my honey, friends and family. I knew that no matter how it turned out, I has someone to lean on. Thank God that I can just give up that thought and go on.

Now I can concentrate on the cleaning out of closets, dividing what should be sold on eBay, yard sale and a moving sale. I've started cleaning stuff out and throwing some stuff away.

Hey, does anyone out there know how long you should keep cancelled checks, old bills, etc? Please let me know. I have no idea and I need to clean out my files. Wow, it's amazing how much stuff a person can save if you have a house to stuff it away in!! I have way too much stuff. Fortunately for me, I'm starting now and he's a great "tosser". He'll come here to help me get ready and start tossing everything he can find, so I want to get a good start on it. My room is first, then the closets, attic, basement. Wow, I have alot of stuff.

Well, today was a day of celebration, joy and THANKING GOD for such a positive outcome at the doctor. Thank you so much, God! For everything that you are doing in my life. For moving in every area. You are AWESOME!!

Sunday, July 10, 2005


and Twinkly!!

I just can't help myself...I am totally lovestruck. He's all I can think of, I mean, I do the daily tasks that I have to, I get my work done (well, almost all of it) but I can't stop thinking of him. I long to hear his voice, I long to see him, but that's a rarity since he lives in Fresno, California and I live in Cincinnati, Ohio. It's so far away. I wake up with him on my mind, I close my eyes at night and he's on my mind. Everything I do all day long he is there with me.

I wonder "what he's doing now" fairly often throughout the day. Yesterday, I went to the Loveland Bike Trail, walked my 5 miles, thoroughly enjoyed the nature of the trail. I listened to music while I walked and thought of him the whole way. I took a moment at the half-way point, laid down in the grass and stared at the beautiful sky. I wondered, what is he doing now. Is he out walking too? Is he running errands? Is thinking of me? I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THE LAST QUESTION - YES, HE IS THINKING OF ME!!! We are both LOVESTRUCK.

One thing that you probably know about me, I have been looking for the right person all along. I tend to find someone, look for the good in them and try to fall in love with them. If we click, then it's not too hard for me to fall in love. The thing is about me is that things quickly come unraveled. Sometimes I break it off and move on, other times, I hang in there, hoping that the guy will get his shit together and see what a great person I am, what a great partner I am. But it doesn't happen. I have even tried dating different types of people. It didn't work. Wasn't meant to be.

I have always this "list" of things that are important to me and it has NEVER happened that all the attributes on the list have been covered by one person. In fact, I have been known to prioritize the list because I know that I can't find everything, so I compromise! What the hell! Why? Remember, I read the book, He's not that into you, and it opened my eyes for sure!! I think I dated most of the guys outlined in the book. hehe!

Here's the top attributes on my list:
  1. he cannot be addicted to alcohol or drugs, recovering or active. It's preferred that he can go out to dinner or a party, have a drink and be socialable. No judgement on me because I have a drink.
  2. he has to have a career. I do, so should he.
  3. he has to have a retirement plan. Hey, I'm not getting any younger!! I want to know that I am not going to be stuck working until the day I die! Not only does he have to have a plan for the future, he has to have money saved so that it can come to fruition.
  4. he has to love my kids, even though they are grown up and may/may not live with us. First and foremost, I will ALWAYS BE A PARENT!!
  5. he has to have his own place to live - apartment, condo or house, I don't care. He CANNOT live at home with his parent(s), unless it's due to parental illness or some other extenuating circumstances that is beneficial to the parent(s).
  6. he must have a creative outlet - play an instrument, love music, movies, and art, paint, draw, read books, even playing video games is acceptable. However, the creative outlet can't be the only thing they do!! i.e. if they are a non-working musician they have to have another job.
  7. he has to know how to clean up after himself, can't be a slob, know how to do the dishes, laundry, clean the house.
  8. he has to be handy around the house, general maintenance, lawn care, house care.
  9. he has to like to eat a variety of fresh fruits and vegetables. I am a vegetarian that eats fish (sometimes grilled chicken) and I cook some very interesting dishes. He has to be adventurous with his diet and willing to try new things as I find them. He has to like to try new restaurants and ethnic food.
  10. he has to LOVE THE OUTDOORS! I do and I can't fathom my life without being outside. I love to camp, I love to visit the mountains, tne woods, streams, fields, trees, lakes, sandy beaches, anything outdoors!! I love the fresh air and the beauty of God's creation.
  11. he has to have a good sense of humor, an even temperment, be able to put up with my constant need for communication, talking, writing, doing anything. He has to understand that I am an extremely outgoing person and need external stimulation of all kinds.
  12. he has to like my friends. I have some neurotic friends, don't we all?? He even has to like them!! I have friends that I have had my whole life, since I was 5, 12, 21. I won't give them up for anyone.
  13. he has to like sex as much as I do or more. None of this - once in a while crap, it has to be on a regular basis.
  14. he has to think that I am beautiful and have a great body. Even when I don't think it's so great! I mean, I've lost 55 pounds since Sept. and am still working at it to lose more.
  15. he has to think I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him.

I have found some of these before, but obviously, not all of them. I have always wondered if my list was too agressive. If I was looking for more than anyone should have in life. But why would I compromise? Don't I deserve to have these things? Don't I deserve to be treated the way I want? This is how I treat guys in a relationship, shouldn't I get back what I give and more!??!

My Mom didn't seek another relationship after she divorced my Dad. She ended up being a lonely woman, pretty bitter, with only a few friends. I don't want to live my life like that. I am a total extrovert, I love being around people, I love going out and socializing. I love to go to the Art Gallery, to concerts, to parties, to movies, to friend's houses, out to dinner, for long walks, drives, anything but be home!! I love to have fun, to laugh and to love - even if I get hurt or disappointed. So I have taken many chances in my life. I have fallen for Mr. Right and Mr. Wrong. The funny thing about Mr. Right is that I walked away from him early on and have been trying to fill the void with lots of Mr. Wrongs ever since.

Until now. God has granted me a second chance, a chance to finish what was started so many year ago. God has listened to my prayers, has given me the man that can fulfill those attributes and has bridged the gap of many years so that we can truly love and cherish each other with a love that gains strength from a history of loving each other and grew over time even though we weren't together. It's AMAZING! I am totally blown away by the fact that we are reunited with no warning!! God, I thank You for knowing my heart and fulfilling my dreams.

I am moving to California as soon as I can. It's amazing, but I have no fear about the move. I have decided to sell everything I own!! I am giving up a life that was dependent upon my possessions - mainly because I didn't have a love in my life that was worthy so my outlet was to buy THINGS. There are some things that I love and collect and will not give up, those can be shipped via UPS to his place. Then we can start a new life together, buy our own things, keeping it simple and light. That's my theme now - SIMPLICITY! So if you are interested in buying some of my things, let me know. EVERYTHING MUST GO!! I'm California bound sometime in the next 6 months!!

"And in the end.
The love you take is equal to
the love you make!"

--- The Beatles, White Album