Sunday, February 20, 2005

Where is he?

What To Think?

It's been a week and Rainman's not been here. I know there are extenuating circumstances, but it's still strange and I still don't know what to think. I mean, I know he bought he own place and has moved 80% of his stuff out. But he was still coming over every day, even if he all he was doing was to eat dinner, watch the news here with me and then head out.

He came over last Monday, Valentine's Day and our 3rd anniversary. It was a bust, he was tired, we didn't go out to dinner, he brought in take out. I mean, is that an anniversary celebration? I don't think so. He was in bed early, like 9pm. So there I was watching 24 by myself and he was in bed. Very uneventful and it didn't even feel like an anniversary.

But, I tried to understand. He's tired, he works outside on his feet everyday. The weather has been cold, rainy, sucky. Then when he has a day off, he wants to sleep. Okay, I see that, but it's not how I am. I have very few days in my whole life that I slept all day, without staying up all night long drinking or something getting totally smashed the night before. And I can literally count how many times in my life that it's happened.

This is a major difference in the way we are. I am very motivated and like to accomplish things on the weekends. I don't like to work on work, but I do like to clean my house, do the laundry, grocery shop, cook, and spend time with my family. And this weekend was no different from the others. I spent time with Beka, did some grocery shopping, took Beka clothes shopping and we bought the cutest shirts, she got pants, and I got the cutest pink raincoat and pink suede gloves. We had a good time helping each other pick things out.

Then I came home and tried to do some work, I have so much that I need to do, but to tell the truth, I just couldn't do any more than what I had already done all week long. So, I thought I might go out. I was supposed to head up to a party, my friend's Mid-Winter Blues Party. I even bought my blue curacao and another bottle of vodka to make Blue Lagoon's at her party. I'm pretty bummed that I didn't get to go, but it was pretty far and I was having a little transporation problem. I was thinking of going out to a local establishment and have a couple of drinks. I even got dressed and ready to go out, but was deciding not to go.

Beka wanted me to go with her and her friends to Jillian's. I was happy to be invited and it was nice that she didn't want me to stay home alone (again), but I didn't go this time with her. I will go with them another trip soon.

So, I stayed home, got some movies out and started watching a movie....fell asleep. :)

Got phone pranked early this morning, woke me up so I got up. It was a day of watching movies - watched Ray, Along Came Polly and Shrek 2 - while I was cleaning my room, reading the newspaper, made some chai tea and scrambled eggs for me and the kids, cleaned out my drawers, my desk, organizing my room and pitching quite a bit of stuff. I didn't have to cook today, because I had cooked so many meals yesterday. So today, everyone could just pick what they wanted.

I hung out in my room all day long. And yes, I have to admit I have quite a bit on my mind: my health, my relationship with Rainman, my job. All three things are probably really ok, but because I don't have the control over what might happen, I feel a bit bothered, like I just want to withdraw and stay to myself. When I get like this, I want to hang with long-time friends, I find comfort in them. Plus, I like to walk. I was going to walk today, take Thor for a nice walk, but it was raining every time I was heading out -- didn't want to put that new raincoat to the test just yet!

This week, we had a great day of wonderful weather on Tuesday. So I went walking with Sher after work. We walked on the trail for 1+ hrs, about 5-6 miles. We walked and talked and had a great time bitching about work, men, life, health and wondered where we would be without each other's friendship. We've been friends since 7th grade. It has been a long time.

Thursday, she and I went for sushi with her friend Steve. We had a great time. We ate so much food that even the waiter and sushi chef were amazed! It was so delicious and the company was so much fun. We laughed, shared stories, talked about dating, relationships, the compromise that we often do when dating someone and what to do to avoid that in the future. He gave us ideas on where to meet guys and invited us over to his place next Thursday. I'm not sure if I can go because of my surgery, but if I feel like it, I will. It sure was fun :)

I thought about a friend of mine from high school and was wondering how he is. His parents loved me and they died quite a few years ago. Every once in a while, I run into him our, but it's been at least 3 years since I've spoken to him. So I tried to call him but didn't get an answer. So I called one of his friends, my friend too. Haven't seen him in a while. Wondered how he was.

I guess I'm just feeling nostalgic and needing my long-time friends. And this weekend was no different. Home alone, thinking of my friends. Maybe I'll drive by his house tomorrow at lunch see if he still lives there.

And did Rainman stop by today? No. He is sick, but went to work, but I asked him not to come over sick. I can't afford to get sick before my surgery on Thursday. But did he call? well, if I asked the question, you know the answer.

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
-- Ben Frankin

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