Friday, February 25, 2005

Men, what's their gig?

and do I really care?

Gee, does Rainman know how to keep his word anymore? Did he ever? Since he was living here did I not see that he wasn't keeping his word? But now that he's moved out WOW! I can realy see that he's becoming more and more undependable. Let's see the latest disappointment was today. He said "if I get up early I'll come over" and I said just come over whether you get up early or not, come on over before you go to work at 3. I figured we would eat lunch together and maybe have some time to talk.

Well, it all sounded good, but he is a no show. ack! I'm so frustrated and disappointed. His behavior is totally unacceptable.

Some of my friends that really know him, say he's probably depressed. Well, maybe, but it's not my problem. You know, after 3 years it's not so easy to cut it off. But I have to be real. I have to admit that he's not so into me. My friend/hairdresser Kim is going to loan me the book "He's Just Not That Into You". Once I start reading I will realize the truth. It's pretty obvious, I totally misunderstood his words, right? RIGHT! He told me that when he moved out, the deal was that we would still see each other daily and that I would be invited to his new place and we would have some privacy there, hang out and be the same.

So let's review - I've only been there when he was originally moved it. One of the days that I went, I sprinkled comet into his sink and I bet that it's still there. I haven't been there since I cleaned the place, I started putting things away, I carried boxes up from my basement into his place and I'm sure that things are EXACTLY the way I left them.

It's unreal.

I'm so stupid. I expect so much from my team, I have high expectations at work, I expect PERFECTION. Why do I settle for less with men?? At first, he was perfect, he went out of his way to do things for me, to take care of my house, to clean out my shed, to make friends with my kids, he was so cool. We had great sex, we had great times, we were "glowing", we were the best together. I gave up alot of independence and freedoms to finally be in a relationship that seemed to be worth it. I mean I had not been in a serious relationship in a while when I met him and now I was in a serious relationship.

It's been a fun ride. I fell in love with his kids, I fell in love with him and now I have to admit failure. YET ANOTHER TIME. That so sucks. I have a failed marriage, failed relationships and now another one. Men. What's their problem? What's their gig? Why can't I meet the one that's REALLY for me? You know the one, the one that will understand where I come from, the one that is smart, the one that appreciates me. YIKES!!

ENOUGH!! I'm gonna have a glass of wine, watch my Apprentice tapes and veg.

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