Friday, December 28, 2012

What does it "FEEL" like to be adopted?

I have known my entire life that I was adopted. I did not even know what that meant, but it was one of attributes that my Mom felt was important that I identified with - like I am girl, tall, adopted, only-child, live in Cincinnati, smart, wear glasses, have blonde hair, hazel eyes and have a dog, a Mom and a Dad.

My Mom defined adopted as: We picked you out of all of the other children in the world to be our daughter and family. Wow! Out of all the children in the world, I was special and was "chosen". To this day, the concept of "choosing" is VERY important to me. (See my previous blog posts about this topic)

And even though my Mom worked very hard to make me "FEEL" not-adopted, I had it in my DNA that I am adopted. Sometimes when I thought about being adopted, I wondered what my parents were like, did I have siblings, what was going on with them that adoption was the best solution and so many more questions?

Always questions and feelings.  And after all this time, I still have days that I never give it any thought, other days it's all I think about. The feelings run the whole gamete of everything from extremely GREAT to extremely SUCKY. Here's a sample of what I sometimes feel:

  • Rejection, Resentful
  • Acceptance, Loved
  • Hurt, Abandoned
  • Chosen, Selected
  • Empty, Angry
  • Special, Happy
  • Relieved, Alive!!!!!
  • Curious but Afraid
What might have happened if I wasn't adopted? Would I be the same person, strong, goal-oriented, persevere, successful, even alive? Would I have been abused mentally or physically because I was unwanted? We see it often in the news, babies and children that are mistreated because they are unwanted. Wow, I wasn't any of that!!! Thank God!

I  was adopted into an awesome family, a Mother that loved me with all her being. A Father that was lacking but tried - many don't even try. :) 

I am going to work on an adoption project this year. I believe that most of my friends and family have been affected by adoption in some way - I'm not a psychologist or a social worker but I do want to collect people's opinions, experiences, thoughts about adoption and how it has affected them for my research. I will be reaching out to find you for my 2013 Project.

Stay tuned.....more coming soon!

"...And in the end... The love you take is equal to the love you make." ---The Beatles
Thanks for reading my Heavenly Thoughts

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