Missing

Missing???

I started missing my house the other day or was I really missing it?

Thanksgiving evening, he pulled out the Christmas decorations and brought them up to the apartment. That’s when I started missing my decorations. I was getting all sentimental. You might recall that over the summer I had the yard sale but the Christmas decorations didn’t sell.  So, when I put all the donation stuff together, I gave away 15 boxes of Christmas decorations!!! yep, that’s right! 15 boxes!!  

I had everything in there from indoor/outdoor lights to ceramic decorations. I had probably 15 years of collecting things. Some of them were from my Mom, some from my kids, some from stores that I bought and loved, some from yard sales and thrift stores. I decided to sort through it and I kept only a little bit. I kept one nutcracker, the first one that was “real”; tree ornaments that my kids made or gave me and other favorites, and a couple small nick nacks that belonged to my Aunt and Mom. I kept the ones that had memories and sentimental value to me.

In the summer, when I sorted and decided what to keep, I was content with my decision. I still am. I mean it is just STUFF…..stuff that can be replaced if we need it or want it. Anyway, now they will become someone else’s memories and sentiment.

So, last week it started with the Christmas decorations. Then I started thinking about where I put the decorations: my mantel, my room, the family room, the window sills, outside the house, the bushes, the gardens…the basement. Yep, I started thinking about some years when I loved to decorate and others when I did but complained. I thought about how my house looked, how I loved it once it was decorated, how it would have been so much better if he had been there with me over the years. I would have LOVED if he had been with me my whole life. We would have had a great life …… fun together …… great kids ….. a lifetime of memories!!

So then I started feeling nostalgic, “what-if” and “what could have been”. In other words, I started feeling sorry for myself for all the crap that I went through in my life, all the years I was alone and the other years when I wasn’t. They were good and bad, but nothing like it is now with him. I missed the house……but it wasn’t the house exactly. But I don’t know what it was exactly.

As I told him how the house looked, how much I loved it. I started to get teary eyed. Funny. I think the tears were because I still haven’t sold the house and I have to keep paying for it even though no one is living in it. (you know, I used to think people that did that were CRAZY for leaving their house!!) Anyway, in a flash, the memories in the house came rushing at me: the kids, the birthdays, the Christmases, the parties, the cookouts, the dinners, my friends, my cars, my dumb boyfriends that were about useless, the dog, the cat, nights alone, conversations, bottles of wine, great meals, the joy I felt when I bought it! Even though, I was scared to death to buy the house all by myself, I realized I could do it. I could afford it and we were very happy there. At the time, I never thought I’d leave it. I thought I’d live there forever. SURPRISE!!

Anyway, all these memories came flying through my head, like a movie on fast forward. It evoked my emotions and “ta-da” tears came flowing. He asked me to share with him what was wrong, so I did. You know, one of two things could have happened. He could have told me I was silly and chances would be that I would never tell him how I felt again. OR he could have done exactly what he did – he listened to me!! He listened while I explained I missed the house, the decorations, the Christmases there. I sobbed and sniffled. He held me and listened.

The best part, he knew just what to do and what to say to me to make me feel better. He let me feel my feelings, he didn't discount my fears or apprehensions, he let me get it all out, and then he said some things that made me feel better.

The truth is I don't miss the house or my stuff. I miss making money and working. I don't like living on my savings, but at least I have it. I have lived so much of my life in debt and always scraping to get by, I thought that was behind me. We're not scraping but I am getting in debt and will get more in debt before I start working again.

But once it's all said and done, I know I'm making the right decision. For the first time in my life I am happy. My personal life is great. I'm satisfied with how things are. I am not making my "usual" list of things that are wrong with him and all the reasons why I should break up with him ALREADY!! I always knew what the others were about and all their short comings. I put up with them anyway. But this time is different. He doesn't offend me, he doesn't do things that are shady, he doesn't over indulge in alcohol, drugs or other crap. He puts me on a pedestal, he takes wonderful care of me, his words uplift me, he's good for my soul. That's more important than a house or stuff.

But I still have to ask myself what was I really missing???

The kids – the memories – the “romantic” idea of what my life was about. But the truth was I did the best I could to get by, but I was not really happy. I was maintaining, leaning on my friends (which is ok, we leaned on each other), wondering what’s wrong with me because I could only attract the WRONG guy.

I used to go see a psychic a few years back. She was pretty right on when we talked about relationships. Every time I met someone, I would ask her about him and she was basically always right. She told me once that I already knew my “man”, my soul mate and that he would come back to me. Well, strange isn’t it??

So, I don’t miss the house anymore, I wish someone would buy it and really enjoy it, like we did. I do miss my friends, but I can talk to them and it’s not bad.

had fun working today

It was a blast today, getting out, meeting some people, installing a computer at each site. The first one took the longest, mainly because the employees didn't know anything about the installation, where the computer was, who was getting it. The manager was out of the office so I had to wait for someone to get in that knew the "ins & outs".

I think I was the only "girl" installing because every time I called in there were only guys on the call. The set up was really cool, we just dialed into a conf call number all day long, checked in and out, got help if needed, etc. I didn't really need any help. Just a couple small things. I just followed the directions/script and off I went!

8 hrs., 3 locations and 3 computers later. :) Hope I get to do some more of these. It would be nice to have a "little" more money.

sorry, Deb! Had to talk a little more about being unemployed.

Working Tomorrow

Yippee

I won't make a ton of money, but I do get to work tomorrow. I'm doing a side job for Pomeroy and if it works out, I should get offered more of the same. I'll be upgrading some PCs at 3 business locations in the area. Piece of cake.

Still haven't heard on the other job and am still hoping that everything works out with SEI. All I can do is keep praying and hoping that the timing works.

Saturdays

If you have been reading my blog, then you know what I mean by "Saturdays" and what they mean to me. We get to spend the morning in bed, cuddling and so on. It's great, we talk and laugh and kiss and well.....you know........for hours on end. Not bad for a middle aged man!! He's so affectionate, so attentive, so detail-oriented, if you know what I mean!! Oh MY!!

This morning was no different from any other Saturday. We got out of bed around 10, which is really late for us, remember we wake up at 4 am every day!! When we got up, I started turning on Christmas lights, it's so nice.......so cheery.......makes me feel excited about Christmas coming. All the presents are wrapped and in the closet, so I see them every day. I wonder what's in them. It will be great to open them and see what he thought I would like. After all of these years, he still knows me so well. He hasn't missed the mark yet.

We've had a wonderful day together, no different from other days. We cuddled on the couch, watched some old movies, The Big Sleep, the original Cape Fear, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea and David Copperfield. Last night we watched Oliver Twist. Lots of fun. Lots of old movies. The best part is that he holds me, kisses me, hugs me, caresses me, squeezes me, and tells me he loves me. I LOVE THAT MAN!! How can I not??? He's absolutely wonderful.

Tonight he's playing his video game while I compose. You know, I am thinking of my book again. I am sure I have one in me. I'm not sure what it's about, but even if it's fiction, it will have something based on my life. So much has happened in my life. And my cousin even came up with a name for it. I won't tell the name right now. I'll just wait and see what happens. Maybe I'll start on it before the end of the year and just see how it comes out. Oh my...........I would so love to be a published author. Even if it stinks :) hehe!

Hope you're having a good weekend and had a great thanksgiving.

Ho Ho Ho!!

Will it ever seem like Christmas? It's warm enough here that it doesn't seem like Christmas. It reminds me of when I lived in Tucson way back when. But wait.......what is this???? I got up this morning and he was already putting up Christmas lights around the windows, we have decorations all over and don't even need the lamps, because of all the Christmas lights. It's wonderful! It really does feel like Christmas!!

We watched A Christmas Story and other Christmas movies. It was PERFECT!!

I have bought all my presents, I have to have them purchased and wrapped so I can take them home with me mid-December. Yep, I'm going home to visit my family, my friends and take care of a few things, like check on the house, see my gynecologist, get my hair done and get my surprise Christmas present for my honey. He will never guess!! I can't say right here either, because I don't know if he reads my blog or not. Wouldn't that suck if I told it here and he read it?? It would ruin the surprise.

Anyway, I will only be home for 5 days. I have alot to do in 5 days. Spend time with my kids - we are all staying with Tamara and Beka. Then I want to see Brian, Sherry, Mary Kay, Kim, Joe, and go to my cousin's to make ham salad. So, I will have to double up on my visiting and my schedule. I'm going to borrow Tamara's car, so I will probably have to drive her to work when I want to use it.

It will be hectic, but definitely FUN!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Gooble Gooble Gooble!!

Yep, that's the theme of today, isn't it? Be thankful for the bounty that we have and then eat up the bounty!! Today was bittersweet. I loved cooking for us. He made dessert, pumpkin pie and fruit salad the night before and this morning when I got up, I started the dressing and turkey. I made the smallest turkey I could find, it was about 15 lbs. I always fix it in a bag, upside down so the juices will run through the breast. This year I did Nick Frohlich's trick he taught me oh so many eons ago - orange juice and whole fresh cranberries, simmer on the stove until the cranberries are cooked and the juice starts to thicken. Then pour the concoction into the turkey. If you are going to cook it in a roasting pan, then baste the turkey with it instead.

Anyway, I put the turkey in the oven, the dressing in the fridge to be cooked a little later, peeled the potatoes and parnips and put them on the stove in cold water. Everything was just waiting patiently for the turkey to finish. I guess by the time I got it all in the oven, etc. it was nearly noon. My plan was to have everything done around 2, so I was pretty much on schedule. We would be able to eat around 2:40 or 3 at this point.

We spent the day together, watching old movies, talking and enjoying each other's company. He played Oddworld for a while and I relaxed, waiting for the busyness to start when the turkey came out of the oven.

The dinner was fabulous!! He complimented my turkey, saying the white meat was not dry - nope, thanks to Nick Frohlich, it was wonderful. He helped me fix a turkey when Tamara was about 1, so 28 years ago!! OH MY!!

Speaking of Tamara, she and Beka cooked their own Thanksgiving Feast. They roasted a turkey, fixed mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, dressing, cheese ball, rolls, turtle brownies and enjoyed the day together. They video taped it for Darbi to see. I hope they save it for me. I would love to see it too!

I talked to my cousins, I miss them all. This is where the bittersweet comes in....I miss my family and the dinner, my girls, my son, my friends because I always cook the full dinner for my friends on Friday. But not this year, I'm committed to my new relationship and am cooking for him. But, you know what, my kids did good this year without me. They are growing up whether they want to or not. And it's really okay. They are fine with me and they are fine without me. One of these days, maybe Beka will come to live with us. Probably when we move to Southern California. But until then, she will live her life and learn to be responsible. And I love her, Tamara and Jake.

After dinner, my sweetheart pulled out all of the Christmas decorations and got them ready for the morning. Plus, we spent some time talking with his sister. She is so nice. Her daughter just had a baby at the end of October. So everyone is excited over the blessings that God has bestowed on them.

The Bates Motel

The Bates Motel

AKA Motel6 in South San Francisco

After a busy day of driving, sight seeing and shopping, we were getting pretty tired. We still had a drive ahead of us to get to San Francisco. So we decided to grab a quick late lunch and head to our room.

We have simple tastes, so we don’t mind staying in motels. Besides, in San Francisco, just as any other big city, nice hotels in the city don’t include parking. I’ve paid as much as $100/day to park in NYC, about $50 in Chicago and the San Fran parking was about $30, so that’s pretty cheap. But still we decided to stay in a motel and the parking was included. Plus, we decided to stay in So. San Francisco to save a little ca$h. You know, without a second income, it’s a little more challenging!!

I booked this ahead of time on the internet. It allowed us to save some money. But, unfortunately, I didn’t get to see the building or the room except in “propaganda” pictures! Oops, I didn’t mean to say “propaganda”, I meant to say “marketing”. Well, anyway, we arrived after dark, there was no sign so we couldn’t find the motel. We didn’t get very good directions from the website, so I had to call the motel a couple of times. Good thing the man named Victor, was knowledgeable and helped us find the place. Then I checked in, went to the room and OH MY GOD!!

It was so bad, I took pictures!  I’ll post them later. Here’s what we found:
elevator that wasn’t working when he went to get our dinner
HUGE awful STAINS on the carpet.
sink that backed up
tub that backed up
bathroom door that was coming apart
noisy next door neighbors
and for the first time since I’ve been in California – REDNECKS in the lobby & halls!

Wow! it was so bad that I complained to Motel6. Still waiting to hear back. I hope they take me seriously, because it was terrible.

The bed was clean, clean sheets and towels. The bathtub was clean, so we stayed. But wow! it was different!! We stayed, had fun, enjoyed each other. It’s like always, we love being together and love each other so much.

Monday was a big day. So we got lots of rest!